The Short-Lived Existential Crisis Of A Middle-Aged Horror Movie Fan

The Creeping Terror (1964) claims another slow moving victim.

     How will I feel on my deathbed, when I reflect upon all that was and all that could have been and realize just how many of the fleeting moments of my life were wasted watching movies?  Is "wasted"  the right term here?  Surely, my life is enriched by these movies - or is watching these movies the sum total of my life?  As I ponder this conundrum I picture an image of myself sitting alone in the dark on my couch, coffee in one hand and cigarette in the other, my hydrocephalic head lolling about like a ham atop a toothpick as my pale, withered limbs curl up beneath me like singed strands of hair.  I'm pretty sure some big things are happening outside because I see it depicted in the movies I watch - I just don't have time to investigate for myself.  It's more important that I make time for one more viewing of The Creeping Terror (1964) just to be absolutely certain it's as bad as I remember.

     Yep, it is.  Glad that's taken care of.

     I'm being facetious, of course - but only a little bit.  It's difficult to make a valid argument that too much time watching movies - particularly movies of often questionable merit  - is a worthy pursuit.  I could be working in a soup kitchen or planting trees.  I could be reading to the blind or assisting the elderly.  Hell, I could even be doing something as arguably useless as making movies, and at least then there would be a historical record of my efforts, something for future generations to study and dissect.  As it is, there's just that ass dent in the couch.  Every crease tells a story, though.

     I often have difficulty remembering events from three days ago, but I have movie related memories from three decades ago that are as clear as a natural spring.  For example, I can still tell you with one hundred percent certainty the name of the theater in which I saw The Howling (1981) for the first time.  It was the Wayne Theater in Waynesboro, Virginia.  It was a sunny afternoon, and my mother and I had been shopping in downtown Waynesboro when we happened upon the now iconic poster for the movie in the light box outside.  I'd seen a television ad for The Howling the night before, and I persuaded mom to spring for a couple of matinee tickets.  Oddly, neither of us knew it was a movie about werewolves.  The advertising used for The Howling (including that poster) was intentionally ambiguous since most of the audience for horror in '81 was only looking for the next big slasher movie.  Werewolves were passe.  We paid our money, though, and we took our chances.  I ordered a popcorn with extra butter at the concession stand, but I had to settle for a Mr. Pibb to drink because they didn't have Dr. Pepper.

     The Wayne was one of those old megaplex prototypes made by splitting a pre-existing full size theater into two separate venues.  Theater number one was the larger one.  The Howling, of course, was playing in theater number two, which was small enough that it bore an unnerving resemblance to the porno booth in the movie in which reporter Karen White first meets Eddie Quist.  I remember that afternoon showing was sparsely attended, and I distinctly remember being spooked when I had to slip out of the theater alone for a Pibb induced bathroom break.  I even specifically remember that the scene playing when I returned from the bathroom was the one in which Karen's friend Terry first realizes the woods near The Colony look suspiciously like a sketch taken from Eddie's room.

Ok, who's responsible for this mess?  Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

     Watching The Howling for the first time must have been an important moment in my life for me to remember the details so vividly, right?  I'm certain I won't regret spending that ninety minutes of my life watching a movie, but not all movies are that good.  Take, for example, Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013).  That's ninety minutes of my life I want back.  For every one really good movie I watch, I probably watch a dozen that range from barely adequate to worthless.  I keep doing it, though.  I keep chasing the dragon.  That metaphor is all too apt.  I'm a junkie, and a really good horror movie is the high I'm after.  So let's get back to my deathbed - is realizing that I've wasted all that time because I'm an addict going to make it easier to stomach?

     The Dog Farm is creeping  up on its first anniversary, and a big part of the appeal of creating this blog was to apply some kind of structure to the fruits of my misspent life watching horror movies.  I'm far from being the resident authority in the company of the knowledgeable folks who run their own horror movie blogs, but I do take solace in the fact that there are so many others like me.  It's like one big old horror themed Narcotics Anonymous meeting - but I digress.

     Following that mental image of my big-headed, movie watching self turning to mush on the couch is the image of my baby Gunnar all grown up and watching the horror movies I loved.  He'll know I loved them even if I'm gone, because he'll have access to a time capsule called the Dog Farm that's still drifting in the blogosphere like an abandoned satellite.  It's all here. 

     So is it all just a waste of time?  I think not.  It's more like a calling.  It makes me happy to be building something for myself, for my future, and for Gunnar.  It ain't much, but it's home.

     Now I'm going to watch The Creeping Terror just one more time.  You can join me if you like.  You'll have to sit in the recliner, though.  That ass dent in the couch is mine.

Share This

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Movies At Dog Farm Presents The Diary Of A Movie Watchin' Madman

     Here, at last, is my final dispatch for this year's Pre'Ween celebration.  I've long been in the habit of attempting to watch thirty-one movies in thirty-one days each October,  and though I failed this year, here's an annotated list of what I did watch.  Since I have such an aversion to writing proper movie reviews, you just may see this format of capsulized impressions again in the future.  It seems a good way to document my viewing habits without getting all hypercritical about it.  For what it's worth, I expect to watch both The Conjuring (2013) and Trick 'r Treat (2007) by Halloween night, as well.


     Happy Pre'Ween, everyone!  Have a safe and satisfying Halloween!
____________________________________________________________________________

(10/1)  She (1965) - I've still got nothing but love for you, Peter Cushing, but She put me to sleep.  Yes, literally.  (First Watch)

(10/2) Sharknado (2013) - A shitstorm of dodgy CGI and groan inducing stupidity . . . Sharknado was every bit as cheerfully retarded as I'd hoped.  What were the odds that Ian Ziering would be swallowed whole in midair by the "right" shark in a sharknado full of 'em?  It's brain dead entertainment at its finest. (First Watch)

Bloody Moon (1981)

(10/2)  Bloody Moon (1981) - Best circular saw decapitation ever, followed quickly by a gratuitous child murder - just because.  Throw in some sleazy incestuous plot points and horrendous dubbing, and you've got yourself a modest winner.  (First Watch)

(10/6)  Rewind This! (2013) - Sure, this documentary about the rise and fall and rise again of the humble VHS tape isn't actually a genre movie, but how many of us saw our favorite genre movies for the first time by way of a grotty old rental VHS tape?  Great doc, and as an inveterate collector myself, I found it deeply inspiring.  Recommended.  (First Watch)

Child's Play (1988)

(10/8)  Child's Play (1988) - Why does Child's Play director Tom Holland not get more love from the genre community?  Seriously, check out Holland on IMDB - in both his directorial and screenwriting capacity.  I finally got to watch a lovely Blu Ray edition of this tonight, and I was reminded once again what an effective little piece of nonsense Child's Play is.  I hear the just released new Chucky movie goes back to basics and shoots for a similar, less comedic vibe, and I plan on watching that before the end of the month, too.  (Re-watch)

(10/9)  Pacific Rim (2013) -  How could my first viewing of a movie I'd been anticipating for so long turn into such a complete freakin' disaster?  Sadly, Pacific Rim was marred for me by a malfunctioning Blu-ray player that guaranteed I never watched more than about a ten minute stretch without having to reboot my media server.  I ultimately ended up having to watch the big conclusion on my laptop.  Grrrr.  Those ten minute clips were good, though.  I'll definitely have to give this one another shot under better circumstances.  (First Watch)

(10/10)  American Horror Story: Coven (2013) - Yeah, I'm counting this.  It's my sexy blog, I do what I want!  The first episode of American Horror Story: Coven was easily one of the best "horror movies" I've seen lately.  Though I thoroughly enjoyed the first two seasons, this slick and focused premiere seems to promise - at last - a slightly less grim and oppressive tone.  There's still plenty of sex, violence, and mayhem, but the principals (Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates, Sarah Paulson, Taissa Farmiga, et al.) are clearly having more campy fun with things this season.  (First Watch)

(10/12)  The House On Sorority Row (1983) - Who knows why, but Adrienne requested a slasher movie tonight.  Fortunately, I had a plenty of them on hand owing to this older post in which I prattled on about how I was going to start watching more golden era slasher movies.  This would be . . . let's see . . . the first slasher movie I've watched since writing that post.  The House On Sorority Row was more professionally crafted and slick than most of its ilk, but it otherwise brings little to the slasher party.  I felt for much of the film's run time - while the sorority sisters were struggling to conceal and / or dispose of Mrs. Slater's body - as though I was watching a teen comedy from the same era a la Weekend At Bernie's (1989).  You won't hear me say this often, but I actually think the remake Sorority Row (2009) was far more entertaining.  (First Watch)

(10/16)  One Million Years B.C. (1966)  . . . has a great poster.  Only the typically fine stop motion animation of the late Ray Harryhausen succeeds in breaking the tedium otherwise.  All these great Hammer movies to choose from.  What was I thinking? 

Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

(10/17)  Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) - This is the slasher movie Adrienne actually wanted to watch on the 12th, and she only slept through half of this one.  It's a personal fave (though it still doesn't top Part II), and I watched with renewed interest this time owing to a nifty little documentary that I'll mention here when I finally finish watching all seven plus hours of it.

(10/22)  Pacific Rim (2013) - Take two, and Adrienne watched it with me this time.  Much better experience on the second go round, but I was afforded the opportunity to note what a charisma free block of wood Charlie Hunnam is.  Also, one of the coolest things about giant monsters versus giant robots is a well delineated sense of scale in the action sequences.  Setting the entire end of the movie underwater with no reference points for scale (buildings, vehicles, boats, etc.) robbed the finale of some of its impact.  Still, those monsters and robots were pretty sweet.  By the way, if anyone can explain to me what might makes a Jaeger "analog" as opposed to "digital", I'd love to know.  Would anyone ever actually make an analog robot?  Could you?  I need an answer from a robotics engineer, like, right now.  (Re-watch)

(10/23)  Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History Of Friday The 13th (2013) -  It is, indeed, complete.  It's so complete I could literally have watched four or five other complete movies in the time it took me to watch this one documentary.  I regret nothing.  It's pretty tough to dig up fresh and compelling info on a franchise that's nearly thirty-five years old, and Crystal Lake Memories does so.  (First Watch)

An American Werewolf In London (1981)

(10/25)  An American Werewolf In London (1981) -  As I edge ever closer to the Big Day, I've come to realize I'm not going to watch anywhere near my typical thirty-one movies in thirty-one days this Pre'Ween.  I'll have to go for quality over quantity.  Adrienne recently reminded me that I'd yet to show her this one in its entirety, and this is about as good as a genre movie gets.  She was watching a show on Hulu titled Call The Midwife in which the name Jenny Agutter (Nurse Alex Price in AWIL) appeared in the credits, and I made a remark about how foxy Agutter had been in AWIL.  What does the fox say?  Anyway, Adrienne fell asleep before David's first transformation, so I suppose she still hasn't really seen An American Werewolf In London in its entirety.  That just gives me an excuse to watch it again at some as yet unscheduled date in the future.  Adrienne did at least recognize a snippet of dialog from the movie that I'd used in my Halloween Monster Mix before she fell asleep, so there's that . . .  (Re-watch)

(10/27)  Room 237 (2013) - Erin at Deep Red Rum (which is transforming into Seven Doors Of Cinema on November 1st) already made far more cogent observations about this documentary than I could ever muster, and I believe reading Erin's post put me in the proper frame of mind to enjoy Room 237 as an entertainment - and only an entertainment.  Arguably, Room 237 is a documentary about various theories that have evolved over the years as to what Stanley Kubrick's The Shining (1980) is really about.  I say arguably because, as Erin pointed out in her post, it seems by the sloppy nature of its construction and attribution (or lack thereof) that this documentary is actually about something other than what it's actually about.  Just like The Shining, right?  Now my head hurts.  Taken purely at face value, though, I enjoyed Room 237.  Again . . .  just like The Shining, right?  The snake continues to eat its own tail.  I'm glad Erin already did the hard thinkin' on this one.  Movies like this are precisely why I rarely ever write a proper review.  (First Watch)

Clancy Brown, just being badass in Hellbenders (2012)

(10/27)  Hellbenders (2012) - A writer / director with a slightly more mainstream sensibility than J.T. Petty could have really made hay with the notion of blasphemous hellbound ministers dragging demons back to Hell.  As it is, this is the fourth time - following Mimic: Sentinel (2003), S&man (2006), and The Burrowers (2008) - that I've seen Petty not quite deliver on the promise of  his own great ideas.  I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on this round, though, and say that I suspect most of Hellbenders shortcomings can be place squarely at the feet of an insufficient budget.  You just can't promise Hell on Earth throughout and then end the movie with a brawl in the middle of a field dotted with CGI fire pits.  Still, Hellbenders does have much to recommend it.  A fresh idea, a bawdy sense of humor, and a uniformly excellent cast all make it worth at least a rental.  In particular, the always fantastic Clancy Brown absolutely owns it as Angus, the group's foul mouthed and surly senior member.  Petty should make damn sure Brown is along for the ride if we get a Hellbenders II.  (First Watch)

Chucky brings the scary back!  Curse Of Chucky (2013)

(10/28)  Curse Of Chucky (2013) - It's fortunate that I happened to watch the original Child's Play (1988) again recently, because Curse Of Chucky is the only other film in the franchise that truly feels like a continuation of the original's narrative and tone.  The first and second sequels were both underwhelming and forgettable.  Bride Of Chucky (1998) worked brilliantly as a parodic reanimation of a moribund franchise, but there were no scares to be had.  Seed Of Chucky (2004) took that evolution a step further and was almost purely comedic.  Who would have thought the sixth in the series would so successfully return the franchise to its scary roots while retaining just enough of the winking self-awareness of Bride and Seed to make the whole affair a bit more than just a competent killer doll movie?  I sure didn't.  Curse Of Chucky undoubtedly benefited from my diminished expectations, so I wouldn't want to oversell it - hyperbole is almost always suspect - but Curse just may be the best of the franchise.  The bulk of the movie is better than you'll expect it to be, but it's the last twenty minutes or so that really swing for the fences.  Curse Of Chucky does a commendable job of bringing the franchise full circle.  This is a rare instance where a franchise entry actually feels like a worthy conclusion to a twenty-five year old series.  Perversely, that almost guarantees we'll see more entries.  Be sure to stick around through the end credits for a genuinely funny, unexpected, and appropriate coda.  (First Watch)
____________________________________________________________________________

     So long for now, dear diary.  I'll be watching you . . .

Posted by Brandon Early

Share This

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Ghoulish Gary Gatorbait And The Horrible Truth About Pre'Ween

Pre'Ween logo provided by beingretro.com

     Pre'Ween is a sham.

     Pre'Ween is a term I coined to describe the thirty day period preceding Halloween.  Only this and nothing more.  I programmed  a weekend long horror movie festival for the proprietor of the real Dog Farm last October, and I referred to it in the schedules as The Movies At Dog Farm Pre'Ween Picture Show.  The event took place on the weekend prior to Halloween.  It was clearly in the spirit of the approaching holiday, but it didn't actually occur on the holiday.  Pre'Ween was born.  Pre'Ween is just a made up word.

     . . . except it isn't . . .

     Just for shits and giggles I vowed to promote the notion of Pre'Ween.  I decided it would be fun to see if I could get the term accepted into the local vernacular.  Since I now have another platform in the form of this blog with which to propagate the notion of Pre'Ween, I decided I would do so this October.  I researched a bit just out of morbid curiosity to see if I could find evidence of  the term being used anywhere else . . . and dammit, I did.  Pre'Ween wasn't my creation after all.

Screamin' Jay Hawkins, not Gatorbait

     It turns out the term Pre'Ween was first used way back in the sixties - 1965, to be exact.  It was used by a local horror movie host in Gainesville, Florida who hosted under the moniker Ghoulish Gary Gatorbait for the CBS affiliate WGFL-TV.  Like many local horror hosts, Gatorbait was actually a station employee Monday through Friday (an accountant named - I shit you not - Gary Numan), and he took on the role for WGFL's Friday night horror movie broadcast.  As was usually the case with these broadcasts, he hosted movies from the Shock Theater packages that were comprised primarily of old black and white Universal movies and sold to television stations nationwide.  The character of Gatorbait was fashioned to resemble a swamp dwelling witch doctor - think Screamin' Jay Hawkins, except white and minus the nose bone.  Ghoulish Gary Gatorbait is largely forgotten now, and he's almost never mentioned in books or documentaries about the horror host phenomena.  You see, Gatorbait was abruptly pulled off the air in November of 1966, and it was Pre'Ween that was responsible for the character's demise.

     October of 1966 was actually the second year that Gatorbait used the term Pre'Ween on air, but it was the first that the term turned up in print ads for the his show published in the Gainesville Sun newspaper.  WGFL used the term in newspaper ads throughout the month as a marketing hook to lend a little extra pizazz to the ads and to milk Halloween for an entire month rather than just a single day.  It's clear, though, that Gatorbait used the term on air in October of 1965, prior to its use in the station's marketing.

The arrival of the Great Pumpkin, the end of Gatorbait

     All was well until the station attempted a cross promotion and requested that Gatorbait promote the upcoming premiere of a Halloween special called It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown on his own show.  Presumably, the powers that be felt that the Monster Kids who were staying up late on Fridays to watch Frankenstein and Dracula would likely be interested in a Halloween themed animated special, as well.  The special was set to air on Tuesday, October 27, and Gatorbait promoted its debut throughout the month.  It was during his final broadcast before the premiere that he raised the ire of a local church affiliation by likening Pre'Ween to the church's observance of Advent.  Without realizing it beforehand, he had inadvertently equated the month of preparation before the celebration of the birth of Christ to the month of preparation before the celebration of  the arrival of a cartoon pumpkin.

     Public outcry was swift and merciless, and even though he apologized on air the following week, the damage had already been done.  WGFL was anxious to quickly put the bad publicity to rest, and Gatorbait's show was replaced with reruns of The Honeymooners.  Ghoulish Gary Gatorbait vanished into obscurity, as did the notion of Pre'Ween.

     That, friends, is the horrible truth about Pre'Ween.  That's the whole story.

     . . . except it isn't . . .

     Carl at The Info Zombie has discovered that the history of Pre'Ween can be traced back even further than this sad chapter.  Click the link for the rest of the story.

     Also, Warden Stokely Horrorzine offers up this Pre'Ween Dispatch From Hell . . .

Posted by Brandon Early 

Share This

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

"What? You've Never Seen . . . ?!?" Movies At Dog Farm Shares The Shame Of A Bloated Watch List

Nifty old poster for Island Of Lost Souls (1932)

     So tonight, after a lifetime of reading about it and mooning over still shots, I finally had the opportunity to watch Island Of Lost Souls (1932) for the first time.  It was great, of course, but that's not really what this post is about.  You see, I should have watched this nearly two years ago when Criterion first released it.  I've had it on hand for nearly a year.  It's only seventy minutes long, for Pete's sake.  Why did it take me until now?  Well . . .

     Too many movies, too little time.  No matter how many movies on my Watch List I finally get around to watching, there's always dozens more waiting in the wings.  I used to foolishly believe that I'd already seen pretty much everything worth seeing, but a slew of late-in-life first time viewings have proven otherwise.  Following is a greatly abridged list of movies I enjoyed thoroughly when I finally made the time to watch them:  Demon Seed (1977), Fiend Without A Face (1958), The Flesh Eaters (1964), Horror Express (1972), Lemora: A Child's Tale Of The Supernatural (1973), Let's Scare Jessica To Death (1971), Private Parts (1973), and The Quatermass Xperiment (1955).  I could name dozens more, but you get the idea.

     Really, then, this post is for me.  It's a public admission of laziness.  It will linger in the Dog Farm's list of recent posts, shaming me each time I see it, until I finally make the time to watch the thirteen titles that follow.  If any of you feel inclined to browbeat me into watching any of one of these titles sooner rather than later, please post a comment below.  I'm sure at least a few of them will blow monkey nuts, but I'll never know until I see them.  There's bound to be a gem or two in there, too.  Help me to help myself, and badger me relentlessly until I get this done.

Abby (1974)
      Director William Girdler was a B-movie titan.  He's the man that gave the world Asylum Of Satan (1972), Three On A Meathook (1973), and Grizzly (1976).  He also directed The Manitou (1978), a personal fave, just before dying at thirty years of age in a helicopter accident in the Phillipines.  Abby was Girdler's blaxploitation riff on The Exorcist, and I just can't imagine how that could be anything other than pure, cheesy heaven.   

 Alucarda (1974)
      Demonic possession, Satan worship, and vampirism - Oh my!  Director Juan Lopez Moctezuma was also responsible for Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon (1973) aka The Mansion Of Madness, a film I stumbled across on one of those fifty movie public domain sets.  I haven't been quite the same since.  That combined with the fact that stills from Alucarda always make me a little giddy means I have no valid excuse for having kept this one on the back burner for so long. 

Amer (2008)
     I was jonesin' pretty hard to see Amer from the moment it first crossed my radar, and yet somehow it got lost in the shuffle anyway.  Being produced in the style of a 1970s giallo should have guaranteed a timely viewing of this one, and yet here I am five years later still making excuses.  I love a good giallo - hell, I love a bad giallo - so the time has come for me to buck up and commit the ninety minutes necessary to at last be able to mark Amer off of my List Of Shame.


  
Aswang (1994)
     A film about a mythical creature from Filipino folklore that eats fetuses?  . . . and it was produced in Wisconsin?  Well, of course it was.  That makes perfect sense.  Both Joe Bob Briggs and Phantom Of The Movies' Videoscope sing Aswang's praises, so why haven't I watched it yet?  I suspect this will be one of those cases wherein the actual movie can't possibly live up to the promise of its central conceit, but I'd be happy to be proven wrong.  Did I mention it was produced in Wisconsin?  Scary.  


  
Calvaire (2004)
     I wasn't a big fan of director Fabrice Du Welz' Vinyan (2008), but my first and thus far only viewing of that was shortly after a surgery.  I was doped up on painkillers, so perhaps I wasn't catching all of the subtler nuances.  I'm pretty sure I started to watch Calvaire once before, but maybe I wasn't up to reading the subtitles that day.  I should just learn to speak French.  Or maybe I should just wait for the English language remake.  That's right - my excuse here is adult illiteracy.  If I wanted to read a book . . .


  
The Devils (1971)
     I've yet to determine just exactly which cut and/or assembly of The Devils I have.  It's an hour and forty-eight minutes, if that means anything to anyone.  I suppose I'll just have to keep an eye out for the infamous "Rape of Christ" scene to figure it out.  Given the movie's spotty availability and the censorship to which it's been subjected, I'll be happy to have seen it at all.  It's hard for me to believe that director Ken Russell whipped up such an inflammatory depiction of sex, violence, and religion over forty years ago that Warner Brothers still fears releasing it.


  
Eyes Without A Face (1960)
     Not many genre movies get any love from Criterion, and how many movies of any stripe can claim to have been an influence on both Jess Franco and Billy Idol?  Eyes Without A Face was released in the U.S. as The Horror Chamber Of Doctor Faustus and was paired with The Manster (1959) for its U.S. engagements.  Have you ever seen The Manster?  Someone was smoking reefer with the hipsters when they created that double bill. 

  

The Innocents (1961)
     A moody, black and white psychological horror movie shot by ace cinematographer Freddie Francis and praised by the likes of Martin Scorsese should have made the cut years ago.  Marty didn't steer me wrong with the Val Lewton flicks, so I'm not sure what my hesitation was here.  Director Jack Clayton's Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983) is another movie I could cop to having never watched properly, but this list is long enough already.  I'm usually not crazy about ghost stories, so maybe that was the rub.

Quatermass II (1957) aka Enemy From Space and
Quatermass And The Pit (1967) aka Five Million Years To Earth
     These two are - to my mind, at least - the most egregious and inexplicable examples of "movies I should have already seen" on this list.  I'd never seen The Quatermass Xperiment (1955) until recently, and I could have put a foot up my own ass for letting that one elude me for so long.  Xperiment's recipe of science fiction and horrific imagery was freakin' awesome.  I sought out Hammer's other two Quatermass movies immediately, and then . . . I didn't watch them.

   

Race With The Devil (1975)
     Peter Fonda and Warren Oates do their damndest to outrun pursuing Satanists behind the wheel of a bitchin' seventies style RV.  Sounds like drive-in fried gold, doesn't it?  I let you know as soon as I finally quit procrastinating and watch it.



Targets (1968)
     Peter Bogdanovich directs Boris Karloff in his final significant role before his descent into Mexican made cheapies.  Karloff plays a fictionalized version of himself, an aging horror movie icon making a final public appearance at a drive-in theater in California before his retirement.  A Vietnam vet on a murder spree turns up at the drive-in, and a face-off between an old school movie monster and the newer breed of serial killing "human" monster ensues.  It's no secret that Karloff could act his ass off when called upon to do so, and Targets seems like a likely opportunity.  I've shied away from this one for years, so it definitely earns its spot.



Taxidermia (2006)
     Rue Morgue Magazine declared Taxidermia "The Best Film You Didn't See In 2009".  Cut to 2013, and Movies At Dog Farm can now declare Taxidermia "The Best Film I Didn't See In 2009 That I Still Haven't Seen In 2013".  The trailer looks intriguing, and I'm pretty sure I want a poster of the image to the left (WTF?), so I suppose the time has come for me check out this recommended oddity.  I'm often guilty of giving the newer movies short shrift, and Taxidermia is a perfect case in point.


     So what genre movies are you ashamed to admit you haven't seen?  Confess your sins of omission by posting a comment below, and I promise you (almost) no one will see it . . .





Posted by Brandon Early

Share This

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

(Mostly) Effective Tips For Teaching A Straight To Like Horror Movies

     My last post addressed the way in which straights (non horror fans) can have a tendency to look down their noses at horror fans, like we're Trekkies or something.  They only do this because they're ignorant.  It's our duty as fans to try to remedy this ignorance.  Following are a few tips from my own experience that I hope will help my fellow genre fans to convert the unwashed masses.


1)  The Classics Are Your Cornerstone

     The classics are considered classics for a reason.  It's no accident that every Halloween brings a wave of those "Ten Best Horror Movies To Watch On Halloween" lists from a slew of straight websites.  Sure, you'll see some variation, but these lists are mostly populated from a pool of the same titles on every single site.  We horror fans generally roll our eyes and think something like "The Exorcist?  Again?"  Still, though, you'd be surprised how many straights have never seen The Exorcist.

     The classics are a great place to let your student dip a foot into the bloody pool of horror, because your student will want to see these titles for many of the same reasons that filmmakers want to remake them.  Even if your subject has never seen these movies, he's at least aware of them.  He already has at least a vague idea of what they're about, often because he's already seen some of those aforementioned remakes.  Yes, even straights who profess not to like horror movies will occasionally go to see one - just goofin' - and chances are, what they saw was probably a remake with a familiar title.  Take the "in" and show them the original.


2)  Know Your Student

     Don't show a pregnant woman It's Alive (1974).  The amusement to be had from watching her squirm uncomfortably will be fleeting.  You've made watching a horror movie a distinctly unpleasant experience for her, and that only serves to reinforce her claim that she doesn't like horror.  She won't trust your recommendations in the future because she won't trust your motives.

Lena Leandersson - Let The Right One In (2008)

     Take time to find out what kind of movies your student does like, and choose a title that somehow ties into that.  If she likes arty foreign films, show her Let The Right One In (2008).  If she likes comedies, show her Shaun Of The Dead (2004).  If she likes being intellectually engaged by a movie, show her Pontypool (2008).  Remember that your student already has preconceived notions about the horror genre.  You're trying to make an end run around those preconceptions in the hopes of demonstrating that the horror genre is multifaceted enough to encompass movies that even she will enjoy.


3)  Make It A Learning Experience

     Some people respond well to the idea of developing an intellectual appreciation for something even when they believe that something doesn't actually appeal to them.  Sometimes that intellectual appreciation can develop into a genuine enthusiasm once they've become attuned to the particulars of the subject.  Use that to your advantage when introducing someone to the horror genre.

     I programmed two different series of genre movies for some of my students that I referred to as The Drive-In Movie Summer Series.  We watched one movie each Wednesday for twelve weeks.  Prior to starting this undertaking I even went so far as to create a program schedule with bullet-pointed facts, trivia, and production info.  Putting the movies into some kind of context for my students before watching them piqued their interest, and it served to make the whole experience something more than just "horror guy subjecting straights to B-movies".  They were only humoring me at first, but they were fully and genuinely invested in the experience by the end of the summer.

John Travolta - The Devil's Rain (1975)

     Be careful, though.  Don't get too bogged down in horror-centric details and lose sight of your goal.  For example, one of the movies we watched was The Devil's Rain (1975), and I made sure my resident John Travolta fan knew he was in it.  That's a bullet-point that mattered to her.  On the other hand, telling her it was directed by the same guy who directed The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) would have meant nothing to her.  This leads nicely into number four . . .


4)  Build On Your Successes

     If you show your student a Fulci movie and he objects to the graphic violence, shelve the Fulci movies until later.  If you show your student an Argento movie and he objects to the lack of narrative cohesion, fall back to horror movies with more linear narratives.  Don't force the issue.  There may be an opportunity to reintroduce Fulci or Argento later, but only if your student is still watching horror movies later.  Some directors, subgenres, and styles are acquired tastes.  I was only lukewarm on Argento's Suspiria (1977) the first time I saw it, and that's almost unfathomable to me now.  My tastes had to broaden and mature.  Your student will never get to that point if you insist upon beating him relentlessly about the face and neck with movies you think he should like.

     Use softer "gateway" horror like Gremlins (1984), Poltergeist (1982), or Arachnophobia (1990) first to get a feel for what your student might find tolerable, then branch out from there into thematically similar "hard" horror.  Take the time to build a foundation for your student's education.  We all had to walk before we ran.


5)  Recognize Your Student's Opinions Are Valid (Even If They're Wrong)

     You will inevitably show your student a horror movie you love that he doesn't care for.  Don't get discouraged.  Don't take it personally.  This is an opportunity, not a setback.

Angus Scrimm - Phantasm (1979)

     Ask your student to identify what they found unappealing about the movie.  Gently prod them into examining critically exactly why they didn't like it.  Resist the urge to tell them they're wrong and then proceed to explain to them why they're wrong for half an hour.  Instead, turn their criticisms back on them, and make this an opportunity for them to examine what in particular didn't appeal to them.  This will, in turn, prompt them to consider what they do like.  You've now made your student an active participant in his education, strengthened his own critical faculties, encouraged him to view a horror movie as a topic worthy of examination, and let him know it's o.k. if he doesn't like everything he sees.  You can deal with the fact that he's a nutcase for not enjoying Phantasm (1979) at a later date.


6)  Be Prepared For The Day The Student Becomes The Master

     If you've done your job well, this will happen.  You'll have another horror literate friend with whom to watch your favorites.  All of those years you spent amassing a wealth of useless knowledge about the horror genre will not have been wasted.  When you help your student develop her affinity for zombie movies and she later comes to you interested in watching The Battery (2012), you'll know you've succeeded.


     So what tactics have worked for you?  Post a comment below to share your own tips.  One final note:  I was just joshing with that Trekkie slur at the start of this post.  I like Star Trek.  Really.



Posted by Brandon Early
 

Share This

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Don't Hate Horror Movie Fans Because We're A Bit Twisted, But Don't Forget That, Either . . .

Uncle Forry's Clubhouse - cover of the first Famous Monsters Of Filmland

     Way back when I was a youngster, in the dark days before the Internet, I could never have imagined what horror movie fandom would one day become.  It used to seem a solitary endeavor, a perception reinforced by the sense that the horror movie fan was a rung further down the ladder than even the often mocked and marginalized science fiction fan.  The fact that the horror movie hosts were usually relegated to the tail end of the broadcast day seemed to support this notion, as did the almost complete absence of any kind of serious critical examination of the kind of fare these programs aired.  Sure, there were enough twisted insomniacs to warrant your local station's choice to offer up cheaply obtained horror fare in the wee hours of the morning, but any sense of a horror community was mostly relegated to the circles of kids on the playgrounds excitedly discussing the details of whatever hoary old chestnut had been offered up by the local rendition of Shock Theater over the weekend.  Grown-ups just didn't bother.  Horror movies, just like bubble gum cards and comic books, were for children.

     I realize now, of course, that there existed a huge horror community back then.  We just weren't sufficiently connected or organized to be entirely aware of it.  We had Forrest Ackerman's Famous Monsters Of Filmland as a sort of national clubhouse for the horror fan, we had the aforementioned late night television horror shows, and we had a seemingly never ending stream of horror content to catch where we could, but we didn't really have a meeting place that legitimized our private obsession.  One need only look to the legion of Monster Kids like Stephen King, Joe Dante, Steven Spielberg, or Tom Savini that went on to careers popularizing the form in the mainstream to realize that the horror fans were everywhere, we just didn't know it then.  We were legion, even though it seemed a bit like our obsession was meant to be indulged behind closed doors - a burgeoning fascination analogous to the joys of masturbation.  We all did it, we just didn't talk about it much lest the straights of the world look down their collective nose at us.  Funny, then, how the Internet age has facilitated both obsessions.

Doin' some yardwork - Trick 'r Treat (2007)

     Even now, within my own circle of friends and acquaintances, I feel like a bit of an odd duck.  In any
given social circumstance I'm almost always the resident horror authority.  I take pride in that designation, and I do my best to encourage any spark of interest that my "normal" friends display in the topic.  Still, it's a designation that usually finds me on the periphery and left with the sense that my friends are only mollifying me, offering up the occasional bit of feigned interest like a figurative pat on the head to assure me that my strange obsession is o.k.  Maybe they're all just trying to forestall that moment in the future when I finally decide to add them to the ever growing pile of corpses that they're certain I must have stacked up in my crawlspace.  I bury the bodies, of course, since the smell would be horrendous, but it still feels a bit like condescension.

Freaks (1932) - . . . in case you didn't get the reference.

     On the Internet, though, it's easy to see that I'm not alone.  I'm astounded anew on an almost daily basis by not only how many of us there are, but by how eager we all seem to proudly proclaim our love of horror to the world at large.  In this company, I am but one voice in a multitude.  In fact, I often feel less "hardcore" than many of the people I meet here, as though I'm not obsessed enough.  Even more encouraging than sheer numbers is the fact that almost everyone I've come in contact with in this forum is unfailingly supportive, knowledgeable, tolerant, and friendly.  Sure, there's the occasional troll, but not as many as you might expect.  This is a community of which I can be proud to be a part.  Horror fans are good people.  I can say, "One of us!  One of us!", and you'll all know exactly what I'm referencing.  If I did that at work, I'd be sent for a drug screen.

     So the next time one of your non horror loving acquaintances refers to your love of horror with smug condescension, remember just how large the community you belong to actually is.  Also, remember you can only bury so many of the haters in your back yard before that starts to smell, too.


Posted by Brandon Early

Share This

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

3D Or Not 3D? Get Out Your Glasses, Movies At Dog Farm Is Comin' At Ya

3D anaglyph still (blue/red glasses) Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

     I've waited my entire life to see Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954) in 3D.  It finally happened today.  It was . . . meh.

     Adrienne has had a 3D capable LED for years now, and I finally cajoled her into getting an emitter and glasses for it.  I've got a stack of a dozen and a half 3D movies just waiting for me to find time to watch them all.  I tackled Creature first because I've wanted to see it in it's original form for so long.  Well, now I've seen it, and I'm disappointed.

     Don't misunderstand me, it looked absolutely gorgeous.  It was the remastered 3D Blu Ray included in the Universal Classic Monsters Essential Collection, and I can't imagine that a movie of this vintage could possibly have looked better.  It was the 3D that disappointed.

     The 3D was well rendered with no ghosting and very little crosstalk.  It added an incredible amount of depth to the picture.  It avoided the "cut out" look one often sees in lesser 3D efforts like many of the post production conversions.  The problem, then?  Nothing ever came at me.  Not once.  The creature's hands, the spear gun, the bow of the boat - clearly, they were all intended to jut out from the screen to give me a cheap thrill.  They didn't.  I'd waited all my life for the creature to be coming at me, and he never left the confines of his 3D television aquarium.

The way it was supposed to be . . .

     You see, apparently it's tacky to want your 3D in your lap.  If it's in your lap, it is a gimmick, and James Cameron and his acolytes want to convince you it's not a gimmick.  Well dammit, I want the gimmick.  The 3D in Creature was supposed to pop out of the screen.  It didn't, and I feel cheated.  I guess I'm the poster boy for the unwashed masses who believe 3D isn't 3D unless the guy sitting in front of you gets slapped in the back of the head a few times.

     Shouldn't the 3D be presented in the fashion that best approximates the filmmaker's intent, though?  The 1950s era 3D was all gimmick.  It was big-screen cinematic sleight of hand intended to put asses back in the seats when too many of those asses ended up on their couches in front of the television.  Where's the showmanship?  All the restoration crew had to do was set the parallax accordingly, and I could have had a lap full of creature - or even better, a lap full of Julie Adams.  Instead, I get a perfectly executed sense of depth with no pizazz.  Oh, the humanity.

This also worked even better comin' at ya . . . My Bloody Valentine (2009)

     Whatever else one might say of the 2009 My Bloody Valentine remake, the 3D gags delivered the goods.  I was fortunate enough to see it in a packed theater on opening night, and the audience loved it.  We had a pickaxe thrown at us within the first fifteen minutes.  I had an eyeball pop out at me just like the gag everyone remembers from Friday The 13th Part III (1982) in 3D.  I had the top half of a victim's head slide down a shovel seemingly within inches of my face. And of course, let's not forget actress Betsy Rue fleeing from the killer buck naked in three dimensions.  Director Patrick Lussier knew how to work that 3D gimmick for everything it was worth, and it was glorious.

A stunning sensation of depth in 3D - Prometheus (2012)

    I realize there's a place for the more subtle three dimensional depth, but most of the movies I've seen that take a more subdued approach leave me wondering what, if anything, the 3D really added.  Occasionally I'll see an example that makes me think otherwise, and I'm going to pointedly avoid offering up Avatar (2009) since that seems to be everyone's go-to high water mark.  The most effective more subtle use of 3D I've seen would have to be Prometheus (2012).  Even that movie's most vocal critics have generally acknowledged that it was beautiful to look at, and the 3D did an exemplary job of drawing the viewer into the meticulously rendered alien environments without calling undue attention to itself.  Fine.  But how many one hundred and thirty million dollar sci-fi movies do you see?

Final Destination 5 (2011)

     I suppose what it boils down to is that I have different expectations depending on the nature of the project.  I fully expect The Final Destination (2009), Final Destination 5 (2011), Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010), Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) to be throwing the gimmicky projectiles off the screen at me hot and heavy.  I'm willing to temper my expectations and expect something more subtle when I watch The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), Oz The Great And Powerful (2013), Hugo (2011), and Coraline (2009).

     I'm not sure what to expect when I watch the 3D conversion of  Jurassic Park (1993), but I'm pretty excited about it.  I hope objects in mirror are closer than the appear, or that they at least appear closer than they appear. 

3D anaglyph still (blue/red glasses) Jurassic Park (1993)

Posted by Brandon Early

Share This

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•